Elevate Difference

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure (2nd Edition)

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus is described by the author as a sex-positive, no-nonsense explanation of cunnilingus. The book includes information Violet Blue acquired from guidebooks, the internet, and surveys she sent to people from diverse backgrounds in the United States, Europe, and Canada. The text includes snippets from these interviews interspersed with educational information, hand-drawn illustrations, and erotic stories.

Blue does a great job of taking a pro-sex, feminist stance on the subject of cunnilingus in most instances, noting the shame that many women feel about their vaginas and apprehension that some women might have being the recipient or giver of oral sex. She discusses possible shame and discomfort in a supportive manner and makes sure to point out that the goal of any sexual encounter is too-often focused on orgasm and not the enjoyment that the individuals derive from the sexual contact. She provides common-sense strategies for overcoming fears about giving or receiving cunnilingus that I think are applicable for both men and women.

There are a few instances in which negative societal views of women’s sexuality are subtly reinforced by the language the author uses. For example, when discussing waxing, Blue refers to pubic hair as “the offending hair” and states that vaginas are a “woman’s finest feature.” While there are a few wording choices that may play in to poor body image or shame associated with sexuality, overall The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus is intended to help individuals feel empowered by their sexuality, and for the most part it accomplishes this.

The author also approaches the book from a non-heteronormative worldview, discussing cunnilingus in the context of same and opposite sex encounters, and even the pictures illustrate both same sex and opposite sex couples. While the book attempts to be as inclusive as possible, it falls short in a few instances. The author periodically makes global statements such as “sex is all about reciprocation,” which fails to take into account the myriad types of sexual relationships people have (for instance, stone butches may not wish to have reciprocal sexual encounters). Still, the attempt to write for a diverse audience is commendable and the attention paid to disability and oral sex is laudable.

My favorite section was the tongue techniques section, which provided tips I hope to add to my own oral sex tool kit. Other techniques are discussed in the book, including: genital massage, the use of sex toys, S/M strategies, and anal penetration. Blue acknowledges that not every reader will be interested in all of the varieties of sex play that can be incorporated into oral sex, but nonetheless provides a variety of information for differing sexual appetites. One additional great asset of this book is the section on suggested erotic books, videos, and the sex store resource list at the back of the book.

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus delivers what it purports to: a non-judgmental, pro-sex guide to going down on a woman. I wish more attention had been paid to the techniques than the anatomy and safe-sex sections; however, I also recognize the importance of this information in any guidebook. This is a book I am happy to add to my personal collection and I am sure that many readers will benefit and enjoy its content as well.

Written by: K. Payne, April 23rd 2011

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