self-help

Her Place at the Table: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success

gita — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 08:00:00 +0000

By Judith Williams, Deborah M. Kolb, Carol Frohlinger

Her Place at the Table, as its subtitle suggests, offers women a guide to leadership success in the modern work environment. Each of the “five key challenges” forms a chapter. The first challenge is drilling deep, gathering the information needed when deciding whether to take on a new job or project, or when negotiating the circumstances under which you take on a new job or project. The second challenge is mobilizing backers, building a support network and setting the rules of engagement that every good leader needs. The third challenge is garnering resources to ensure you have the tools you need every step of the way. The fourth challenge is bringing people on board and overcoming the inevitable resistance to change. The fifth and final challenge is making a difference, which may mean actually changing things, or giving yourself credit and taking credit for what you’ve accomplished.

Although designed a bit like a self-help book or how-to manual, Her Place at the Table avoids many of the normal pitfalls associated with these genres. Most self-help books and how-to manuals present a world that’s just a bit too rosy. Everything’s easy. You’re perfect and wonderful. The world is your oyster. All you have to do to succeed is ask the universe to give your perfectly wonderful self what you desperately want and truly deserve. All stuff, fluff and nonsense. Her Place at the Table, on the other hand, engages with the world as it is and deals honestly with the internal and external obstacles that women face in the workplace. From the introduction through all five chapters, the authors detail the myths and misconceptions that hamper women’s progress in our careers and give detailed strategies on how these challenges can be overcome, including specific examples from real women who have overcome these challenges to succeed in their own careers.

Some of the strategies detailed in the book may be out of reach for women just starting their careers, or may not work for every individual situation. However, the advice is generally realistic and practical. I found myself wishing I’d read the book long ago, perhaps before encountering some of the traps the authors tackle. Now that I have read it, I intend to revisit it often and to recommend it to as many women as possible, starting with you. Go. Read.

Written by: Melinda Barton, January 9th 2011

Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind

annette — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 00:00:00 +0000

By Brenda Shoshanna

Sterling Ethos

A healthy dose of fear is necessary at times, but I often wonder how much further ahead humanity would be if it wasn’t bound by insecurity. Fear-based emotions like jealously, aggression and insecurity have wreaked havoc on our collective development, leading to war, oppression and famine.

Oftentimes we are hindered by the “worst case scenarios” that we dream up in our minds. This, according to Brenda Shoshanna, is no way to live.

In her book Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind, Shoshanna examines the fear-based psyche and offers seven steps for eliminating negativity. Shoshanna believes that understanding our personal and professional fears will lead to a greater self-awareness, that negativity cannot be fought with negativity and that fear dissipates in the presence of love.

Her assertion that love should be embraced and fear rejected is simplistic. A closer inspection however does reveal complexities. How exactly does one “let go” of paralyzing phobias? How does one “dissolve” fear?

Shoshanna attempts to lead her readers through this mental quandary with the help of Buddhist teachings. She believes that enlightenment can only be achieved by embracing discomfort. Fear is, after all, nothing more than a mental construct, bred into existence by unrealistic expectations. Understanding the ebb and flow of life, embracing true natures, and turning attentions towards positive things will, according to Shoshanna, lead to a more purposeful existence. Shoshanna’s seven principles appear to be based in common sense rather than any form of scientific or sociological study. New-age clichés are prevalent throughout. She urges her readers to “cultivate the miracle of love”, to “embrace” their “perfect nature” and to “find the precious jewels” in their lives.

I suspect that Fearless will be popular among self-help enthusiasts. Those that don’t subscribe to new age mentalities, however, will find nothing new here. Despite being filled with Buddhist fables and real-life anecdotes, the book is merely an ad naseum repetition of the notion that life is too short to be bound by fear.

That said, there is a place for this book. The true path to enlightenment is, after all, an ongoing journey. Books like Fearless are useful in that they help maintain focus. Shoshanna has included a “Workshop” at the end of the book that demonstrates how the seven principles can be incorporated into daily life. In my opinion, this is the most useful section of Fearless as it allows the reader time for introspection.

I wouldn’t classify this book as a challenging read but Fearless does inspire meditation and personal reflection, important practices that are absent from the average daily routine. While I could relay criticism about Shoshanna’s writing style and the grammatical layout of the book (she really does love her commas), I’ll choose instead to focus on the fact that Fearless relays an important message. It is for that reason that I will, reluctantly, recommend the book.

Written by: Cheryl Santa Maria, December 1st 2010

The Creative Life: True Tales of Inspiration

barbara — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Julia Cameron

Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin

If you haven’t heard of Julia Cameron, you’re probably familiar with her best-selling book, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Creativity. This seminal book has helped many recovering and blocked creatives find their way back to a place that is nourishing and healing while giving them the tools they need to unblock their creativity. As Cameron wrote in her introduction to the tenth anniversary edition of The Artist’s Way, “Art is an act of faith, and we practice practicing it. Sometimes we are called on pilgrimages on its behalf and, like many pilgrims, we doubt the call even as we answer it. But we do.”

The Artist’s Way grew out of classes that Cameron gave on creativity to blocked creatives. The “notes” that Cameron had created for these classes evolved into a book that eventually became a worldwide best seller. The book has been used in prisons, hospitals, universities, and human-potential centers as well as by therapists and doctors. One of the core teachings of the book is an emphasis on tapping into the spiritual creative energy that is accessible to all of us through daily journaling that Cameron calls “Morning Pages,” and “Artist Dates,” during which readers are encouraged to embark on spontaneous fun outings of discovery to spark the creative process. Cameron has written a number of best-selling books since The Artist’s Way, including Walking in the World and Finding Water, but it is probably safe to say that none of them have touched so many individuals or inspired so much change in people’s lives as The Artist’s Way.

Cameron’s latest book, The Creative Life: True Tales of Inspiration is described in the book jacket copy as showing readers how to create lives that “nourish and sustain their art.” I have to admit that I was somewhat disappointed in the book because it didn’t quite meet up to its advance billing. In this book/writing journal, Cameron invites the reader to be a fly on the wall in her Manhattan apartment and during her domestic and international forays. During this period, Cameron is finishing a book, collaborating with her creative partner on lyrics and music for an upcoming musical, coaching and mentoring artists, young and old, in the art of being creative, and traveling to London to hold workshops on creativity.

To be honest, I’m not sure if some of my disappointment in the book was related to the discovery that despite her successes as a published author, Cameron did not seem to be following her “true north” when it came to the writing of this book. Cameron continually questions whether she will be able to complete a book by deadline (presumably this book that is being reviewed). She writes at one point, “I feel like writing, but I feel like I have lost my voice.” While I understand that even famous and successful writers are insecure, I sensed as I read the book that Cameron was not entirely happy with the finished product, but felt pressured to meet her publisher’s deadline. As a result, The Creative Life: True Tales of Inspiration leaves the reader feeling somewhat let down and disappointed because it is, frankly, not in the same league as The Artist’s Way.

That being said, Cameron’s honesty and frankness about her doubts and insecurities about her writing and her ability to continue to create are refreshing and a testament to her willingness to continue to take risks for the sake of her art.

Written by: Gita Tewari, November 24th 2010

Many Faces of PTSD: Does Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Have a Grip On Your Life?

gwen — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

By Susan Rau Stocker

Holy Macro! Books

This small, compact book is a treasure. I don’t mean that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is great; on the contrary, it’s a long-term battle once you’ve been diagnosed with it. The book itself, though, is a good read, considering the subject matter, and Many Faces of PTSD is much bigger than its 124-page size.

Therapist Susan Rau Stocker presents various case studies in a nonjudgmental format that tugs at the reader emotionally while at the same time offering coping mechanisms for PTSD. Through the case of “Olivia,” we are given the example of a person with PTSD who suffers from anxiety and generational family abuse. This causes Olivia to question her sanity and self-esteem. The reader is given Olivia's PTSD symptoms and the effects they have on her body and mind. As one of Stocker’s patients, she is trying to come to grips with how to function on the day-to-day, and become as stable as possible. It is a work in progress, and there is no quick fix.

Despite the grim reality of the recovery process, Stocker’s offerings of healing are very positive. It may be a lot of work, but it is all worth it. From initially accepting that the sufferer has PTSD (which is the most difficult step towards healing) to recognizing personal maladaptive behaviours and coming up with alternative solutions, the path to recovery can be overwhelming. Many Faces of PTSD patiently shows that the path can eventually lead to better lives.

Part of the challenge in accepting life with PTSD are the limitations it comes with. As Stocker notes, the disorder is neurological; the brain malfunctions. Each patient is different and the book covers many different factors, including medication. One of the elements of recovery that was not covered, however, was the diet of the person with PTSD. What we eat is crucial not only because of the old saying, "we are what we eat," but because sufferers must pay attention to caffeine and sugar intake, which can affect symptoms like anxiety. It can’t be held against the author, though, since she presents her findings and tips derived from therapy sessions.

In the end, as Stocker notes, it really is up to the person with PTSD to take control over her or his healing process. While some of the case studies are uncomfortable, reading through them is therapeutic. I was only able to read one a night, instead of sitting down with the book all at one time, and found that the goal of transitioning from victim to active survivor is possible for those willing and able to put in the effort.

Written by: Nicolette Westfall, October 19th 2010

The Fatigue Prescription: Four Steps to Renewing Your Energy, Health, and Life

beth — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Linda Hawes Clever, MD

Viva Editions

In the style of many self-help books, Linda Hawes Clever, MD, is a product of and a subscriber to the program of renewal that she presents in her book. In the span of eighteen months, the physician endured the death of her parents, a home burglary, the loss of two jobs, and her husband’s cancer diagnosis. In the process of dealing with the impact of these traumatic events, Clever reached out to others who were interested in revamping their own lifestyles and ended up founding RENEW, a not-for-profit that “aims to help busy, devoted people sustain or regain enthusiasm, effectiveness, meaning and, yes, joy.” The Fatigue Prescription: Four Steps to Renewing Your Energy, Health, and Life brings together Clever's experience from her ten years of heading up the company and laying out a four pronged plan to recapture energy and motivation. Whether stress and fatigue stem from life-altering events or just daily life itself, Clever’s thorough, warm-hearted guide is intended to give readers the tools to ditch their ruts and find their groove.

Clever's writing is persistently optimistic and quippy. The book is brimming with quotables from both the author and other sources as diverse as Langston Hughes, South Pacific, Rumi, and Wendell Berry. The requisite checklists and brainstorming questions are laced with good humor. Clever's voice is a strong selling point for her The Fatigue Prescription. It makes you feel taken care of—you can tell Clever is a doctor with a warm and friendly bedside manner.

In fact, Clever's profession shapes her recommendations in many ways, bringing a unique and holistic focus to her prescription for better living. She includes extensive sections about taking care of your body and brain and backs up her advice by referencing, in plain English, various medical studies including a fascinating study about possible links between longevity and positive attitudes.

However, the book is still plagued by some of the familiar demons of the self-help genre. While Clever tries to keep things simple by outlining four steps to a fatigue remedy, the book wanders from this premise and spins new jargon that can get confusing: there are renew-o-meters, buff-o-meters, and three kinds of “buckets” for your self-esteem, worthiness, and energy. Also, the prescription metaphor, while catchy, doesn’t quite work to describe Clever's approach accurately and has to undergo some complex contortions to try to encompass all of the recommendations put forth by the author.

The Fatigue Prescription does offer inroads to making a change and plenty of positive affirmations. Clever writes a prescription for combating fatigue but she acknowledges that it’s not a magic pill you can pop and forget about. Her approach engages the reader in intense reflection and reevaluation of fundamental values and priorities in order to begin the journey towards rediscovering lost energy.

Written by: Jo Ristow, October 13th 2010

Black Dogs and Blue Words: Depression and Gender in the Age of Self-Care

admin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Kimberly Emmons

Rutgers University Press

Jerry Seinfeld jokes that pharmaceutical companies could save time by naming all of their antidepressants “Cramitol” (“Cram it all”). Kimberly Emmons would likely agree. Her eye-opening Black Dogs and Blue Words opens up an original, potentially life-changing perspective on antidepressants and the companies who market them. Emmons, an English professor at Case Western Reserve University and an expert in medical rhetoric, offers shocking and persuasive evidence that women are not only the targets of these ads, but have become complicit in the targeting.

Emmons builds her case brick by brick. Although her prose is academic and dense in places, the slowly building logic and the reader’s ensuing sense of outrage make the book as hard to put down as any who-dun-it. In fact, the book is its own brand of who-dun-it. How did women become Big Pharma bullseyes? Solving the mystery requires understanding how the language of antidepressant advertising both reflects and shapes gender stereotypes. To illustrate, Emmons dissects print and broadcast ads word by word and frame by frame. She points out how words such as “excessive crying," “fatigue," “loss of zest,” and “tearfulness” have long been used in our culture to describe women’s emotions and alleged deficits, and how drug manufacturers have co-opted the phrasing to describe depression.

It gets worse. Analyzing the photographs that accompany the ads, Emmons demonstrates how they reflect our societal norms of acceptable female behavior. The ads feature sad women standing apart from their family, women whose disappointed children accuse them of being “no fun anymore,” and protective fathers with their arms around children, standing apart from mom, fixing her with baleful stares. Next frame, the woman diagnoses herself with depression. Next, she is shown at her doctor’s office requesting antidepressants, and, presto, next frame, the woman has been restored to her acceptable “gendered self.” How do we know? She reports her progress as she shops for the family groceries, or while playing with her children, or while involved in some other womanly scenario. Emmons also surveys children’s literature and that women’s magazine staple, the self-diagnostic quiz, with equally interesting and well-considered conclusions.

One of the book’s most fascinating chapters traces the history of the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which, as the title implies, spells out the criteria for diagnosing psychiatric illnesses. In one of her biggest bombshells, Emmons reveals that much of the language employed by Big Pharma to describe depression is not found in the DSM. Rather, drug manufacturers have cherry-picked synonyms primarily associated with women. Women absorb the ads, diagnose themselves with depression and make a beeline for the doctor’s office. The doctor, bombarded by the same marketing and lacking the time for a more in-depth probing, agrees. Prescription signed. Pills sold. And so we circle.

But don’t think that Emmons is anti-antidepressant, because she isn’t. Her view is much more reasoned. She acknowledges the good that medication can do under the right circumstances. But she also urges women to go from a regime of self-doctoring to a regime of self-care. Emmons uses “self-doctoring” to refer to women’s willingness to buy into the pharma-philosophy that emotional and social malaise stem from chemical problems which only can have chemical solutions. By accepting this rhetoric, says Emmons, women deprive themselves of their own personal narrative, one which may have little or nothing to do with clinical depression.

In contrast, self-care involves reacting to signals that something is not right with a conscious surveying of one’s life and all its circumstances. Perhaps medication will help. Or perhaps a much more profound change is in order. Learning how we have been manipulated, our lives altered by corporate profiteering, is depressing. Pass me the Cramitol. On second thought, don’t. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Written by: T. Tamara Weinstein, July 12th 2010

Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the World

admin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:01:00 +0000

By Birute Regine

Prometheus Books

In the eternal question of nature versus nurture, author and developmental psychologist Birute Regine leans comfortably towards nature. She embraces “feminine” qualities and calls for women the world over to do the same. While the anecdotes and reflections she chooses to share are indeed compelling and inspirational, the book as a whole can be off-putting if you do not necessarily prescribe to the idea of gendered personality traits.

One major theme running throughout Iron Butterflies is the need to reject and reform what she calls “gladiator culture,” which is defined by its aggressive, macho, and violent nature. This, Regine writes, is the source of many societal ills. The book is then a call to action for women around the globe to effect change through compassion, empathy, and caring—the antidote to gladiator culture. By accepting and uncovering innately feminine qualities, women can improve their own quality of life while also creating social change in their communities and in the larger world.

Though gender biases, discrimination, and violence continue to exist in full force, further emphasis on the “inherent” differences between men and women feels uncomfortable and one-sided. Instead of gendering characteristics, a more inclusive approach would have been to look deeper into how these traits have come into existence and examine the larger society as a whole for ways that everyone can integrate compassion, for instance, into their daily behavioral repertoire.

Regine does recognize this point in a few isolated moments, but looking at a scale with nature on one side and nurture on the other, she falls much closer to nature. With chapters entitled, “Tears: Heal the Hidden Wound,” and “Chrysalis: Shedding Self-Imposed Limitations,” the general tone of the book is New Age-y self help, with the inclusion of various ethnic and cultural metaphors. The core message is one of positive change and growth, but the means of achieving them may not resonate with all readers.

Written by: Shana Mattson, July 8th 2010

Boys Lie: How Not to Get Played

admin — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Holly Eagleson, Belisa Vranich

Health Communications

I was of two minds while reading Boys Lie: on one hand, I appreciated that Belisa Vranich and Holly Eagleson have taken the time to research and write a “cheat sheet” giving young girls a “BS detector” and helping them separate the good apples from the bad ones. On the other hand, the title of the book might lead one to believe that the authors think all boys lie in order to have their way with girls. In their defense, the authors stress that their book is “not a manifesto against guys,” but rather a way to help smart girls deal with the “messy truths about guys and relationships.”

While I recognize that teenagers are exposed to an overwhelming amount of (mis)information from their peers, the Internet, and other sources, I wonder if the negative connotation of the title could have been neutralized in some way. Boys Lie is divided into seventeen chapters entitled Lie #X. The authors cover everything from contraceptives and how to protect yourself against STI's to love and sex in the digital age to the physical and emotional abuse that, sadly, goes on in teen relationships. The authors take statements (lies) that young men regularly tell young women to get them to engage in activities they might not otherwise be willing to engage in as the jumping off point for the topics discussed in each chapter.

For example, Lie #4 is “you can hook up with a friend without having feelings involved.” The authors include a list of different ways a boy might say a particular lie. In this case, he might say, “You can have sex like a man” or “Hook ups with friends don’t count.” The authors discuss what happens to the female brain when a girl is on a “booty call.” When women get physically close to a guy, the authors explain, they experience a rush of happy hormones and neurotransmitters that make them want to increase the frequency of the hookups. Since men don’t have the same physical and emotional reactions to a casual hookup, this creates a situation that often leads to the woman getting hurt and the friendship ending.

Lie #16 is “you need someone to keep you in line.” This chapter is about physical and emotional abuse, and is disturbing in its exploration of the destructive patterns that surface in teen relationships. The authors point out that one out of three teens has reported being the victim of physical or emotional abuse by a romantic partner, and one in five girls has either been involved in a violent relationship or threatened with violence by a partner. According to a recent study, violence against girls on television has increased by 400 percent over the past five years, and digital abuse (e.g., monitoring a partner's online behavior, constantly texting someone to keep tabs on them, and pressuring someone to engage in digital sex) is also on the rise.

Boys Lie includes statements girls can use to counter boys' lies. If you’re a teenager or a parent, this book is a must read. In an ideal world, Boys Lie wouldn’t be necessary, but we have to live in the real world.

Written by: Gita Tewari, July 6th 2010

Change the World, Change Your Life: Discover Your Life Purpose Through Service

admin — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Angela Perkey

Red Wheel Weiser

Change the World, Change Your Life materialized as the author, Angela Perkey, reflected on how to help others find personal and community connections through donating one’s time. In her formative years, Perkey’s parents instilled in her the importance of volunteering and making a time commitment to help others. Thus, she spent time volunteering in various ways, and the most memorable volunteer experience to her was when she spent time painting the toenails of elderly women in a senior center.

Although she knew that she was providing companionship, she wasn’t wholly invested in the experience. As she got older, she realized she wanted to find volunteer experiences that matched her passions and interests, as well as find an opportunity to volunteer where her talents could be most utilized. Perkey discovered in college that she wanted to form an organization where students could apply for grants to fund their own service projects, and from this, Students Serve, Perkey’s nonprofit, was formed.

In Change the World, Change Your Life, Perkey advocates on how to find a type of giving that matches with one’s goals in life. At one point in the book, Perkey points out that, in reality, most organizations have failed because they have not succeeded in what they have aimed to do, such as eradicating hunger or providing an equal education for all students. Her brashness is a way to emphasize the fact that there are multiple problems which need solving and that maybe we are the ones to solve them.

Perkey also wants her readers to realize that we should be selective in choosing where we give our money and spend our time; in other words, we should think about what a volunteer opportunity is going to do for us as well as what we will be doing for the organization. Will we be happier as a result of the time we spend volunteering? Will we come home invigorated, so that our positive energy is felt by those around us? Perkey points out that only when we feel that we are making worthwhile contributions to our society will we be truly spurred on to continue our efforts, and only then will we be able to really help the causes to which we are dedicated. Furthermore, she creates many guiding questions which are meant to help her readers find the volunteer opportunities that will be the most fulfilling and rewarding, and have the most impact on those we are serving.

If an individual is not already volunteering her or his time to an organization, there are probably a plethora of reasons why she or he will start this important work in the future and not today. I have wanted to volunteer for years, yet my work and home schedule always seemed so hectic, and I couldn’t imagine fitting volunteering into my schedule. Then I had kids, and I wasn’t sure what service opportunities were available for families to do with their children. After starting Perkey’s book, I made a call to a local Meals on Wheels organization. I asked them if I could volunteer with my children, and sure enough, the following week I started taking meals to senior citizens in my town with my four year old and seven month old in tow.

That was a month ago, and now I am wholeheartedly enjoying spending a few hours each week volunteering due to Perkey’s straightforward guidance and gentle prodding to take action sooner rather than later. Any book that can motivate people to take action should be shared, and I’ll happily recommend this to anyone who is looking for a way to become involved in her or his community.

Written by: Kirsha Frye-Matte, July 6th 2010

Transcendent in America: Hindu-Inspired Meditation Movements as New Religion

admin — Sat, 08 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

By Lola Williamson

New York University Press

Although I don’t do it every day, yoga and meditation help me manage physical and mental injuries that I received from previous trauma. It certainly calms my chaotic mind and keeps pain at bay. I have bonded with other practitioners, but I’ve never gone on a retreat or invested time in training beyond basic poses or ten minute meditations. My expectations of what Lola Williamson’s book about meditation movements in the U.S. were modest at best, as a result of my limited experiences with it.

The practice of meditation, and following a guru, to the point of making it a lifestyle is commonplace in America. It’s been going on for far longer than I had assumed, and suffice to say, Transcendent in America breaks down a lot of my previous assumptions. Mainstream media gives so much press to the evangelical Christians that there is little room for other faiths. Williamson does not create a polar comparison of traditional American Christian denominations and the Hindu-Inspired Meditation Movements (HIMM), but provides similarities along with differences, and suggests that the definition of religion itself is changing.

HIMMs, like institutionalized Christianity, are no stranger to corruption and the sexual abuse of followers (particularly minors). Like the Roman Catholic Church, HIMMs have a history of either covering up or downplaying cases of child abuse within its groups. Religious or spiritual organizations need to devise systems of checks and balances to deal with their hierarchies and potential corruption.

The issue of spirituality is gray, not black or white, and Transcendent in America argues this point well. Each individual is the determining factor in whether to embrace HIMM, traditional religion, or none at all. Interview excerpts are provided to show the diverse nature of people in America who succeed or fail at their perspective choices of faith. Whatever they choose, followers look to religion for similar reasons, including a sense of security, collective inclusion, and direction.

Decisions are based on so many uncontrolled variables—such as environment, background, and mental health—that even current science cannot measure or validate individual experiences involving meditation. Williamson shows that is okay, because it isn’t about clinical research, it’s about finding balance between the material and spiritual worlds.

I do not foresee myself exploring 'Eastern'-style meditation further by reading some of the writings of various gurus or joining an ashram any time soon, but thanks to Transcendent in America, I have developed a better sense of the complexities and history behind the Westernized form of yoga I participate in. It’s also given me a deeper understanding of how diverse America’s spiritual tapestry has become and how it continues to grow.

Written by: Nicolette Westfall, May 7th 2010

How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage

admin — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Sascha Rothchild

Plume

It’s not like someone would seek out this book looking to find advice on how to damage their marriage, but it definitely piques the curiosity of anyone trying to understand how easily a marriage can go awry. How to Get Divorced by 30 is Sascha Rothchild’s personal tale of her short-lived marriage. Surprisingly, it’s not a man-bashing book picking on her ex-husband (some of his faults are mentioned, but not focused upon). Instead, Sascha tells her story by explaining how the various events, influences, and personal insecurities in her own life led to her choosing a relationship that seemed to fill her needs, but resulted in feeding her flaws.

Sascha’s unabashed honesty about herself, especially exposing her quirky personal demons, is highly admirable. Regardless of whether you agree with her viewpoints, you can’t help but revere her accurate self-assessment and the courage it took to write this book. You also can’t help but relate to her inner struggles with self-perception, including weight, looks, and identity. It’s normal for women to have insecurities in these areas, but Sascha takes the exploration further by discovering how her insecurities led to poor relationship choices. Looking to resolve her issues, she’d try to find a sense of security through relationships.

We all tend to choose a partner who counteracts our shortcomings in some way or another, which is why you can’t help but relate to the author. However, what is most interesting about the book is how she focused on the fact that her unhealthy relationship with herself was not only the root cause of her divorce, but also the cause of her marriage (and other failed relationships) in the first place.

By the end of the book you feel like you know Sascha personally. Her influence will cause you to stop and reflect on your own life, the relationships you’ve had, and how your own insecurities may have caused problems in ways you never before realized. I assure you this is a good thing. If we could all look at ourselves with blatant honesty (not harshness nor kindness, just what is) then we would all be better people. We spend too much time pretending to be what others think we should be, lying to ourselves, and trying so hard to measure up that we lose sight of our own needs and happiness. That’s what happened to Sascha.

By sharing her journey of self-discovery (and divorce) Sascha helps readers to more truthfully look at their own lives. Meanwhile, the read is an excitingly entertaining journey. Be prepared to finish the book in one sitting. It’s a fast read, but mostly because you can’t put it down until you've finished it.

Written by: Sarah Eve Nichols-Fulghum, April 2nd 2010

The Artist in the Office: How to Creatively Survive and Thrive Seven Days a Week

admin — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 16:01:00 +0000

By Summer Pierre

Perigee

I was looking forward to reviewing The Artist in the Office because it seemed so relevant to the situation many people I know find themselves in, myself included. Making it as an artist these days is tricky, and without a patron to support them, most emerging artists need another job to make ends meet.

In this book, Summer Pierre hits many of the emotional highs and lows people in my position feel: guilt because they’re not doing art full-time, frustration that they are unable to be creative at work, suffocation at the restraints of a nine-to-five schedule, and the constant nagging question of what your “real job” is. An artist herself, Pierre demonstrates noticeable insight in to the day-to-day life of the average creative worker.

There’s a lot to be talked about on this topic and no easy answers. This book never tries to solve the “problem” of how to be an artist in the office, which is for the best because there’s no magic solution that will resolve this anxiety. What Pierre does suggest is a change in approach. The most solid advice I took away from this book was to remain positive and keep focused on the specifics of what you really want. I know from experience that it’s easy to get stuck in the “If I only had xyz than I would be happy” mindset, which gets you nowhere. Pierre reminds us that working in an office—having a “day job”—while being an artist is hardly the end of the world, and in fact can often benefit your creative work.

Unfortunately, when these benefits are discussed in detail, the book tends to lose some of its insightful commentary and switches to somewhat condescending advice and cutesy pictures to get the point across. Most artists who work in an office hardly need a full-page illustration telling them how the company photocopier can be useful for... photocopying. Or how work computers can be used for non-work stuff. Surely most of us know these things already? The book also could have done without the handwritten doodling of things to do on your lunch hour or how to play “bingo” on your morning commute.

This book is at its strongest when the author seriously engages with the question of what it means to be an artist in a culture that doesn’t necessarily value art. Part four of the book, “Ideas for Change,” is the strongest section. It reads like a heartfelt conversation with a friend who in the end convinces you to not be so hard on yourself and reminds you that you have to value yourself before anyone else will.

Written by: Jennifer Burgess, March 31st 2010

Tune Him In, Turn Him On: Using Intuition to Find and Keep the Man of Your Dreams

admin — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

By Servet Hasan

Llewellyn Publications

Relationship advice can be a tricky and sensitive topic at times. Over time you learn not to take it from anyone except a small number of entrusted friends. In Servet Hasan's Tune Him In, Turn Him On, the author takes a new approach to dating men: actively developing and applying your intuition. Those of us who rely on our gut feeling and are into spiritual activities, like opening our chakras and visualizing auras, may appreciate Hasan’s blend of spirituality and boy guidance.

I found this book to be geared toward younger women who are feeling lost in their love lives and insecure in their relationship abilities. Hasan offers gentle exercises that give the readers support and energy during difficult moments when they want to stop obsessing over a guy and start focusing on their deeper selves. For example, one of her meditations includes letting go of old relationship baggage by visualizing suitcases filled with past memories floating down a river until they are out of sight. Another exercise is a more traditional golden light meditation that helps readers replenish their inner core and connect with their relationship goals.

I found some of Hasan's confident generalizations about “all men” limiting. These generalizations didn't always make sense to me because I've met men who are “naturally born talkers” or who have admitted they are in love, contrary to Hasan’s assertions. It could be that the book is tailored to help seduce a certain type of man or for women mainly focused on marriage. Either way, creating more distance between the genders with the “us” against “them” perspective and reinforcing heteronormative ideals in the dating game is not something that I happily took away from this book.

Overall, Hasan covers all the dating basics and pushes readers to really think about their own love goals, whatever they may be: opening up to someone new, dating, or marriage. She spends several chapters talking about how women should work on their relationships with themselves before going out to find 'the man of their dreams'. Hasan even guarantees that once you fall in love with yourself, your ideal man will come to you, instead of you having to go out and search for him.

Written by: Cinthia Pacheco, March 22nd 2010

Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex

admin — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:01:00 +0000

By Claire Cavanah, Rachel Venning

Avery Books

If you’re looking for a book about anything and everything related to sex, look no further than Moregasm. It starts with the basics—getting to know the lay of the land on a woman’s body. It moves on to a thorough discussion of orgasms, masturbation, and toys; a chapter on men; an exploration of what can turn you on; a how-to on sex with the hand or mouth; penis-in-vagina intercourse; safe sex practices; and a question and answer section. Each chapter also has its own Q&A more specifically related to the topic of that chapter.

With its bright colors, pictures and diagrams on almost every page, and clear language, it’s informative, and also very easy—even fun!—to read. It assumes you know nothing and gives general information that’s easy to follow, but it also has some suggestions for how to spice things up and take things to the next level if you’re no longer a novice.

One of the best sections of this book is the chapter entitled “Love Thyself,” and discusses orgasms, masturbation, and sex toys. It’s not exactly a surprise that this chapter has the most information, seeing as how the book is Babeland’s guide to sex and Babeland is all about sex toys and self-love. Another chapter choc-full of information was “Getting Off: By Hand, By Mouth.” These chapters were my favorites because they had great information with detailed diagrams, but the book has a little something for almost everyone, whether you’re looking to try BDSM or anal sex, or just getting started with a vibrator.

I will say that this book probably doesn’t have a lot for you if you’re a sex expert. It can bring you back to basics, but if you’ve been there, done that with everything sex-related, it won’t offer much in the way of new information. Overall, though, it’s informative and engaging. This is definitely a book I’ll recommend to my friends and keep handy so I can refer to it periodically.

Written by: frau sally benz, March 18th 2010

The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure In The 25 Years After 50

admin — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 08:00:00 +0000

By Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot

Farrar Straus and Giroux

It turns out that Madonna is not the queen of reinvention. That title belongs to Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, who truly is reinvention royalty. Lawrence-Lightfoot’s The Third Chapter offers a wise and uplifting guide to creating a new life or to drastically improving the one you’ve got. Although the bulk of advice is directed at folks actually in their “third chapter”, anyone in need of a transformation can benefit from Lawrence-Lightfoot’s advice and from the experience of the forty post-fifties she interviews.

As Lawrence-Lightfoot points out, our society expects seniors to retreat. But the book’s subjects—all in their fifties, sixties, or seventies—refused to see their “third chapter” as retrenchment or, worse, stagnation. Rather, they viewed their third chapter as an opportunity to resurrect old dreams and to create new ones.

The characters include a doctor who decides to study opera singing, a policy wonk who leaves a prestigious position to attend divinity school, and a successful businesswoman who becomes a relief worker in Kosovo. Many others revisit artistic passions. In one poignant story, a former professor begins painting a portrait of her best friend. Over time, as she tweaks and shades, her own face emerges from the canvas. As this new artist and so many of Lawrence-Lightfoot’s subjects discover, the post-fifty years are prime time for discovering one’s true voice and for new learning.

New learning is the crux of The Third Chapter and it is a theory from which readers of any age can benefit. Paradoxically, the first step to new learning is unlearning. Successful unlearning means dropping the unhealthy habits that most of us have picked up by high school: people-pleasing, guilt, aggressive competition, valuing external rewards over self-fulfillment, measuring ourselves by others’ high and low expectations, and allowing the harsh critical inner voice to suffer from terminal logorrhea. These are traits, practically reflexes, that many women will recognize. Appropriately, the theories of Mary Catherine Bateson and Carol Gilligan figure prominently.

Unlearning is only the first step, but once taken, self-consciousness, fear, and other limitations drop away. Only then can new learning kick in. Lawrence-Lightfoot, one of new learning’s pioneers, provides an excellent description of the extraordinary ways it pays off. A willingness to embrace collaboration, to take risks, and to practice strategic restraint (i.e. talking and acting less, listening and observing more) all turn out to be great methods for identifying and following one’s true passions and for hearing one’s own unadulterated voice. New learning also includes embracing struggles and setbacks as additional sources of knowledge, not as confirmation that one’s self-doubt was well placed (that’s so old learning).

While new learning requires maturity and experience, its principles can be applied at any age and with potentially unlimited benefits. By the end of the book, I was wondering why I hadn’t figured all this out already (I know, the self-chastising is ripe for unlearning) and equally pondered the unexpected and shocking revelation that, according to Lawrence-Lightfoot, at age forty-eight I am almost into the third chapter myself.

The meaningful takeaway is well summed up by someone else who accomplished much in the third chapter: “It’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years [that matter]." Abraham Lincoln said that; he became president at age fifty-two.

Written by: T. Tamara Weinstein, March 16th 2010