single women

In Her Own Sweet Time: One Woman's Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment, and Motherhood

admin — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 08:33:00 +0000

I read this book in one day. It, like the author, and like the problems she explores, is not perfect. Like the author, In Her Own Sweet Time is lovable and I eagerly devoured it for the stories she tells, the problems she outlines, and the social phenomena she identifies.

The question “What is the impact of new reproductive technologies (NRTs) on feminism?" is a recurring motif within this book. On the one hand, women have the unprecedented opportunity to choose when and how to become mothers—with a partner, with donor sperm, through intrauterine insemination, through in vitro fertilization or with the help of a surrogate. Women can freeze eggs at the peak of fertility for later use, and can freeze fertilized eggs for transplantation. Lehmann-Haupt describes all of these reproductive tools and her experience with them. I was delighted to see her go further and wonder about how they relate to feminism—its history, aims, and future. Women are ‘liberated’ to do it all and "on our own" (for "on our own" read: with an entire medical team. Ahem). The author wants to know whether is it okay—whether is it feminist—to want a partner, to desire love, and to hope for relationship and commitment.

Lehmann-Haupt does unwittingly import some of the old liberal feminist zero-sum assumptions about gender, which blunts the edge of her musing on the relationship between NRTs and feminism. Here, like many 1980s feminists that argued access to abortion makes women more like men and may be problematic to feminism, Lehmann-Haupt wonders if access to NRTs makes women more like men, and so may be problematic to feminism. Both arguments claim that the procedures in question—abortion and NRTs—allow women to deny their biological nature. It’s a convoluted syllogism: women's biological nature includes motherhood; men's biological nature does not include motherhood; when women act against their biological nature to preclude motherhood they are (acting) like men. No, it's not perfect, but hey, it's not my logic.

The fact that Lehmann-Haupt makes such a claim (that egg freezing allows women to deny their biological nature) now, decades past the Sex Wars of the 1980s and all of those old essentialism debates and appears unaware of the problems of this claim is noteworthy. It indicates that the question and meaning of nature is still a problem for feminism, and therefore, for American culture generally. There is still difficulty in developing a robust conception of what woman is and can be that allows for motherhood, but does not require it for "real" womanhood.

That being said, I definitely recommend In Her Own Sweet Time. It is refreshing to read about a woman who is struggling with questions about commitment, love, motherhood, technology, and feminism, and who is able to live with those struggles, say imperfect (but often very good) things, go on safari, travel with friends, date and cope with disappointment, and take her own sweet time with all of it.

Written by: kristina grob, September 23rd 2009

Bitchin' Kitchen Cookbook: Rock Your Kitchen-And Let the Boys Clean Up the Mess

admin — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:45:00 +0000

By Nadia Giosia

skirt!

The cliché don’t judge a book by its cover doesn’t hold true in regards to the Bitchin' Kitchen Cookbook, which depicts a glistening topless guy next to a meat cleaver wielding tattooed woman wearing a beehive hairdo and a leather apron. This is not your grandmother’s cookbook, though it does have some amazing recipes that would make your grandmother proud!

The cookbook emphasizes organic; the ingredients not only taste better, but they are cleaner (no pesticides, etc.) and , therefore, healthier for you. The book begins with a section on single cooking, which I thought was really fantastic. So often as a single woman, I find myself succumbing to heating up food in a microwave as compared to taking the time to cook for myself. But it really is worth it and with this cookbook, it’s much easier to find some creative recipes.

The book is filled with tips and interesting anecdotes about the author and the food. I enjoyed learning that spaghetti alla puttanesca was traditionally made by Italian prostitutes in the 1950s. The prostitutes were only allowed to shop for food once a week, and this dish could be made with preserved ingredients instead of fresh ones.

There is also a section on food for a breakup. So right before you get rid of the guy, you can just remind him of how much he’ll miss you! The author also brings up the good point that you’re then the classy one taking the time to break up with the significant other in person (no email, text, etc.) and you’re nice enough to not do it in public!

The bitchin’ kitchen continues online. Every few days at BitchinLifestyle.tv, you can find a new recipe for food and drinks. Not only that, but the site features crafts, fashion, and blog entries by the creators. The site feels like the book—bursting with good ideas, deliciousness, and more than a splash of naughty.

Written by: Kristin Conard, August 25th 2009

The Last Single Woman in America

admin — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 23:14:00 +0000

By Cindy Guidry

Plume

Cindy Guidry is a single woman in her forties living in Los Angeles. The people in her life insist on reacting to her lack of husband and children as though it were a catastrophe. She begins writing a series of personal essays after losing her job as a Hollywood studio executive. She finds herself questioning her choices, her motives, and her identity. The essays span several years, detailing failed relationships and other fiascos. Her life is populated with bizarre personalities—her bleak Canadian neighbor Tomas, an obsessive compulsive pseudo-boyfriend she refers to as “The Viking,” and her parents, who have been separated for twenty years, but who are too close to ever consider an actual divorce. There’s plenty of dating-related humiliation, sex talk, and of course, Hollywood-bashing.

Two of the best essays deal with Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath. Guidry grew up in New Orleans, and her parents are still living there when disaster strikes. The first floor of her mother’s house floods, and Guidry invites her mother to stay with her temporarily. Guidry has always suspected that she is not her mother’s favorite child, and living in close quarters eventually leads her to ask her mother point blank, “Did you or did you not have sex with a leprechaun in 1967?” There’s a delicate balance at work in these personal narratives between realism and absurdity that produces laugh-out-loud hilarity. Guidry seems to be fully aware of her own ridiculousness while writing about her veterinarian (“The Cat Whisperer”) or trying to kick Dave Matthews out of her car before he discovers that her CD changer contains nothing but Dave Matthews CDs.

Guidry invites her readers to laugh at her neuroses and her tendencies toward self-sabotage. Unfortunately, her self-criticism lacks bite, and the comedy occasionally gets lost in pages of overwrought abstract analysis. In essays like “Men Are the New Women,” and “Future Ex-Husband,” she reveals her ambivalence about changing gender roles and claims feminism is at least partially responsible for her inability to find a life partner. These remarks feel tired, and certainly don’t add anything new to the discussion of the supposed “gender wars.” Ultimately, her book is like her obsessive love for Dave Matthews—there’s nothing wrong with it, per se, but it’s not exactly unique.

Written by: Kellie Powell, April 8th 2009

Sex and the City: The Movie

admin — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:05:00 +0000

Directed by Michael Patrick King

Far as I can tell, there’s never been a consensus on Sex and the City’s feminist appeal. It shows intimate female relationships, but it’s heteronormative, white, and the characters often talk past each other. The women live (mostly) sexually liberated lives, but they’re nevertheless forever in search of the perfect man to fulfill their emotional needs. The ladies are also all highly successful in their own careers, but their love of expensive shoes and sex toys supports a patriarchal, capitalist model.

I was not an original follower of the show—never had HBO, for one. But over the past two years, thanks to several series-devoted female friends, I suspect I’ve seen every episode at least once or twice. A fan of the individual characters more than their sum total, my expectations for the film felt reasoned. Not skeptical or enthusiastic, I walked in knowing product placement was rampant, it was a sometimes-tedious 2.5 hours in length, and that I was in for a film a bit below its cable-television standards.

After rewriting this review several times, I’ve concluded that the easiest way to explain this film is to expound on its shortcomings, of which there are simply too many. The film opens to a truly unbelievable wedding planning frenzy for Carrie, the forever marriage-phobic writer, and we soon find her on the outs with her commitment-averse fiancé, the phallically named Mr. Big. Gee, when will he show up and make it right again over the next two hours? I was bored and insulted and mostly annoyed. How many times must we watch the same woman make such painfully bad decisions?

(SPOILER ALERT: keep reading this review only if you want key pieces of the plot revealed to you.)

The other characters fared marginally better along the functionality spectrum. Miranda spends the movie separating from a cheating Steve, only to reconcile later. Her choice is perhaps the most complicated, and it also seems to be the one least deserving of feminist scorn, for who hasn’t been there? Samantha finds herself bored and undersexed after five years with Smith Jerrod, and after a few blowups, she leaves for good. For his part, Smith was always a compassionate, sensitive character in the television series, and the movie robs him of this. Or, maybe we forget that the nice guys end up being complacent, selfish assholes too? The message, in whatever way you perceive it, is troubling. We can at least be satisfied that Samantha goes back to single life because her relationship with her authentic self is ultimately the most important to her, superceding her role as business manager and part time girlfriend of a movie star. Charlotte, in her comfortable domestic mothering role, finds herself pregnant and gives birth off-screen. While true to her previous TV-era character, the updated Charlotte feels a little stifled and serves all too often as everyone else’s doormat.

The problems with all of the Sex and the City women stem from the same problems they have always had, only in movie form, they seem larger than life. Why does Charlotte have imperialist tendencies while vacationing in Mexico, only eating pudding from the States because, “It’s Mexico!”? Why is her primary comedic moment a lowly scatological joke? Why is Samantha chastised for her “gut” when the slim fifty-year-old gains fifteen pounds? Why is the only character of color Carrie’s personal assistant? Played well by Jennifer Hudson, her lines nevertheless make her into a one-dimensional, label-loving, yes-woman. This is the diversity of New York City circa 2008? You don’t have to have been in Manhattan recently (or ever) to know this is a movie-made myth.

Maybe my current Sex and the City discomfort would have manifested itself sooner if I’d ever watched four episodes on the TV show in a row. Maybe I did have higher hopes than I thought. I’ve heard plenty of critiques—the children had no character development, the actresses are too self-conscious in revisiting their famed roles—but how much more can be crammed in? The film didn’t drag, but it pushes its genre limits at two and a half hours. In the end, the Sex and the City movie is nothing more than an overinflated romantic comedy with disempowering messages about the depressing state of modern love. Maybe it’s someone’s reality, but it couldn’t be much further from mine or one I would ever desire.

I would recommend seeing the movie if you’re far more devout than I ever was, or, alternately, if you’d like to cement your distaste for the series once and for all. Since seeing the film well over a week ago, I can’t stand to look at or hear any of the characters, let alone watch the show. To immediately swear off a regularly consumed guilty pleasure—a group of intelligent female characters—based on one two-hour sitting has to say something, right? Your money is better spent on a book.

Written by: Brittany Shoot, June 27th 2008

On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone

admin — Mon, 14 May 2007 02:50:00 +0000

By Florence Falk

Harmony Books

In today’s society, there’s no shortage of dialogue from women about the downfalls and loneliness of being single. Romance and the stability and reciprocal affection it brings is arguably one of the most fundamental desires for many.

On My Own reconstructs what is means to be a woman alone, and emphasizes the value of solitude. Her book is a notable publication that efforts to debunk the double standard of single men as strong, coveted bachelors and single women as undesirable spinsters. Containing short personal anecdotes and memoirs to analyses of cultural and pop culture pieces (both historical and contemporary) that refer to women being alone, Falk resists the notion that to be female and single is something to be ashamed of - that single is not an adjective connotative of failure or personal shortcomings. Instead, she insists that to be single is a valuable opportunity with capacity for self-growth, introspection and empowerment. She uses literature ranging from Ibsen’s A Doll House to Steve Martin’s Shop Girl, which perhaps was methodologically used to relate to women of diverse backgrounds, age groups and interests.

There is analysis given to a number of issues women often face, such as a desire for attention from others and the tendency to be hard on oneself. Falk is, after all, a psychoanalyst with two decades’ worth of experience. Thus depending on the reader and their personal experiences, this book can either resemble a liberating self-help book or a piece that simply offers new insights into one’s relationship status.

Written by: Yujean Park, May 13th 2007