The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World

admin — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:51:00 +0000

Having raised daughters and taught young girls, I know what is required to be competent in those roles. The nature and needs of boys, however, were foreign to me. I had very little experience with the care and nurturing of very young boys. I naively and wrongly presumed that a child’s gender was of little, if any, consequence affecting the parent/teacher role. In reality, infancy seems to be the only time of relative equality. Once these tiny beings begin developing skills of locomotion and communication, the gender dichotomy begins in earnest. It is at this point in development that one needs to understand fully just how inherently different boys are in all that is their journey toward maturity.

In this little gem of a book, Rao and Seaton gave me a wonderful look into this heretofore alien world. They present a wealth of boy knowledge in an anecdotal style, making this book an enjoyable read. The focus is predominantly on boys between two and seven years old, the time when most behavior problems arise. The authors clearly present methods to help caretakers address discipline and training issues successfully. Simply put, boys are not girls. We cannot successfully raise both genders from the same perspective. Boys tend to lag behind girls in skills acquisition, particularly language. Unfortunately, developmental expectations are lumped in somewhat generic lists of milestones, and herein lies the beginning of the unintentional assault on development in male children. It is the profound difference in thought process combined with the imperative need to expend energy that makes raising and educating boys much more challenging.

After a general introduction into the nature of boys, the text flows through the myriad of troubling behaviors that plague social and educational settings (e.g., making friends, bullying, competitiveness, fantasizing). The authors then set about guiding the reader through the problems associated with limiting physical activity and the tendency to perceive natural boy behavior as a sickness that must be wrangled with medication. They also offer parents solid guidance to help them in determining that which is in the best interest of the child when presented with fearful scenarios by educators and school administrators. The final chapter is a delightful light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel view, looking at some of the grown boys who had been youthful patients of Dr. Rao.

The Way of Boys is an absolute must read for anyone raising, educating, counseling, treating, and/or advocating for boys. Early-education teachers—who tend to be female—and mothers of boys need to be cognizant of the dynamic differences and be accommodating in the process so as not to stifle genuine development by trying to fit the proverbial square peg into a round hole. Boys are looking for the system, figuring things out, pushing the boundaries, and expending excessive energy in all that they do. I glimpsed this firsthand when I took my two-year-old grandson on an errand to the bank recently. He busied himself grabbing for, inspecting, and enthusiastically throwing the pens provided for patrons. Before reading this book, I would have been frustrated by this ill-mannered child. My girls NEVER did such at that age. By having this new knowledge, I was able to see him not as a bad child, but as a b-o-y. He taught me that I had to plan differently for him to avoid such temptations. I could not be mad with him for being male. This is what they do and how they think, and I love him for it.

Written by: Katherine P. Hutchison, October 12th 2009

The Tara Mala

admin — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:27:00 +0000

By Celedra

In my search for tranquility, I have studied many ideologies. Try as I might, the perfect fit continues to elude me. For a while, my journey became a process of acquisition, a gathering of the choice pieces from a plethora of spiritual options. My evolving cafeteria-style spirituality most closely came to reflect the tenets of Taoism, even though I just could not quite wrap my mind around the whole of formal Taoist practice. So for many years now, when asked, I simply respond that my religion is kindness.

One of the more valuable practices I adopted on my road to enlightenment has been meditation. Recently, my teacher suggested that I might be ready to incorporate meditation with a tonal mantra, like “Om Mani Padme Hum.” As with most new adventures, I set myself to research this novel meditation style. This part of my journey has been quite enlightening, yet overwhelming. Since I already benefit from the Ananda style of Hatha Yoga with relaxation through Yoga Nidra (psychic sleep), I have not yet convinced myself to add this new meditation practice.

One constant in my research is the pervasive use of malas—prayer beads—to count repetitions of mantras during meditation. Although there are many styles and lengths of malas, I am most intrigued by the semi-precious gemstone wrist-mala, also called Power Beads. More specifically, it is the Tara Mala with which I have made a connection. In my search for sources that offer such an item, I found that the purchase of a mala of any sort can be a tricky proposition. Be warned that all malas are not created equal. There are quite a few retailers offering inferior products—especially malas that are supposedly made with semi-precious stones.

One reputable source for this sacred jewelry is the online site Celedra. Their Tara Malas are designed and so named for the fully enlightened feminine goddess Tara, whom the Tibetans call Jetsun Drolma. She is also known as the Savioress who assists supplicants toward their awakening. In reverence, the Tara Mala has twenty-one beads to represent the twenty-one praises to Tara and, as with all malas, has the terminus guru bead, which is said to be the symbol of spiritual source. This sacred adornment is of high quality and superior craftsmanship. Any owner would be pleased to use and wear this mala.

The even greater reason to appreciate these Tara Malas is the mission behind their creation and distribution. Celedra Gildea and Jennifer Duoos created this non-profit organization in support of the Nangchen Nuns in Eastern Tibet, who live in overcrowded, impoverished conditions. In this empowering venture, the Tara Malas are made by local Tibetan women, placed on a nunnery alter, and thereby infused with the many prayers and blessings of these devout nuns. The sacred malas are then sent to Celedra for sale. In turn, a percentage of the profits are donated to support these women. I imagine that Tara is pleased and very proud of each and every one of the women involved in this loving project.

The Tara wrist-mala that I have is an “empowerment” mala, which is made with smokey quartz and garnet, and a sterling and garnet guru bead. This combination of gemstones is said to be “grounding and protective,” and the mala arrived with its own mantra to reflect these aspects: “I am grounded, guided, and confident.” Since I have chosen to begin this love affair with the goddess Tara, I will begin with this specific mantra. Just wearing it makes me mindful that peace is made in the hearts of individuals and, as such, I will pray for that in all others and myself.

Written by: Katherine P. Hutchison, September 3rd 2009