father

Rad Dad #18: Sex & Love

tina — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 20:00:00 +0000

After a promising introduction I was ready to absorb the essays that lay before me in Rad Dad #18: Sex & Love, a short zine concerning radical parenting with narratives exploring issues of sex and love. Needless to say, this zine made me feel a range of emotions: offended, entertained, informed, and bored. Some of these essays do not concern love or sex or are only very loosely related to the topics in an abstract way.

Rad Dad himself falls flat in his own personal essay. Using movie script queues, he rambles from one point to the next about memories and experiences that are loosely related or not connected at all. The author's entertaining writing style, passion, and experience are worthy of better organization and editing.

The third essay in the zine, entitled “Making Love,” was bad. I'm still reeling from reading a man's recount of a newly polyamorous relationship. When his wife comes home from an arranged date with another man, the jealous husband thought about sexually assaulting her and “not caring how she felt.” Though he didn't act on these thoughts ("I didn't want to look aggressive"), it was completely unexpected and terrible, especially when it was so graphically detailed. There was no warning; just an in-your-face, deal-with-this description of how he would rape someone. He also goes into detail about cheating on this same woman, years prior. The writer's colorful writing when recounting these gross experiences only cheapens them more. For a few days after reading this, I felt nauseated whenever I’d recall the author's words.

There's also an essay about child nudity and another about a person "breaking up" with the anarchist community. Many of the writers talk about their preference for polyamarous relationships. Some even insult monogamy, which I found unnecessary and misguided. There are a few essays by radical parents who talk about sex, love, and dating in relation to being a parent. I feel that these authors truly understood the zine's topics, while offering their own personal knowledge and experiences. This compilation would have benefitted from more essays like these.

My favorite part of this zine was the last section, “An Interview With Dr. White.” The interview was engaging and interesting and I wish it went on longer and was featured more prominently.

While I am against censoring voices, I feel this zine would have benefited from basic editing. A simple "trigger warning" before graphic material would be a great start. A few snips and cuts to a rambling essay would help the reader understand the authors' intentions and sticking closer to the zine’s topics would be a major improvement.

Written by: Jacquie Piasta, April 9th 2011

Gay Fatherhood: Narratives of Family and Citizenship in America

admin — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:00:00 +0000

By Ellen Lewin

University of Chicago Press

In this well-written ethnography, Gay Fatherhood, Ellen Lewin examines the choices and the decisions of gay fathers in America, focusing particularly on men who choose to become fathers as gay men, rather than coming out after having had children in a different-sex marriage. Lewin, also the author of the 1993 ethnography Lesbian Mothers, works centrally from Chicago but has found research participants of impressive diversity with respect to race, religion, socioeconomic background, profession, number of children, and relationship to community. All of these elements make for a fascinating read.

The central question in Lewin’s book is one that has become increasingly pertinent and visible, particularly in queer communities, as the gay marriage debate advances in the United States. Does “being gay” simply mean being a man who loves and is sexually attracted to men, or does it imply another separateness, an inherent incompatibility, with a world that is and will always be predominantly straight? And does asserting the latter negate the identity of gay fathers, assuming "father," even "parent," to be the province of the straight world alone? Or does a gay man who chooses to be a father give up his right to identify as "gay?" Or does "parent" come to overshadow, to render irrelevant, the identity “gay”? And if none of the above are true, are there factors beyond the sexual orientation and gender of the parents that would specifically identify a family as a "gay family?"

As is often the case in anthropological research, Lewin explores these questions without ever fully answering them. Given the scope and depth of Lewin’s writing, however, no answer seems to be demanded. By simply displaying the complexity of the lives and relationships of gay fathers—relationships with partners, relationships with children, relationships with other parents, extended families, communities of friends, religious communities, communities of residence—she demonstrates that this is not an issue to be bullet-pointed or oversimplified. Lewin uses her ethnography to delve into the lives of gay families, and to show the complex nexus of identity at which they reside, and at which they must, in contemporary America, continue to reside. A true writer and a true anthropologist, she leaves the prescription of actions to her readers; there is no doubt that engagement with her writing will lead to more considered, and therefore better, action.

Written by: Gemma Cooper-Novack, March 1st 2010

The Films of Su Friedrich, Vol. 3: Sink or Swim

admin — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:52:00 +0000

Directed by Su Friedrich

Microcinema, Outcast Films

Su Friedrich's Sink or Swim is a beautifully complex film that quietly sneaks up on the viewer, draws her in and, ultimately, leads her to a place of intimate introspection and intense analysis. The film follows Friedrich's development from "The Girl" to "The Woman" through a series of anecdotes involving her father. The viewer follows Friedrich's maturation as she celebrates birthdays, mourns her parent's divorce and struggles to reconnect with her father after he remarries.

Many of the film's anecdotes center on water, a force of nature which is at once a source of great pleasure and pain for Friedrich. It is from one such memory that the film gets its title: when Friedrich tells her father she would like to learn to swim, he takes her to the water, explains the methods of swimming and then throws her into the deep end to Sink or Swim. The film is comprised of a series of equally powerful and arresting interactions between father and daughter, each of them important to Friedrich's development in its own way.

The power of the film lies not in the recollection of the memories, however, but in the way that Friedrich uses them to move beyond the personal to the universal. Friedrich weaves narrative upon narrative, using her past as a lens through which she may gaze critically at everything from the construction of the Self, to social definitions of femininity and womanhood, and the ideals of the American family. Friedrich considers these issues with a tenderness and subtlety which is at once astounding and breathtaking. Sink or Swim is simply brilliant.

Written by: Joanna Chlebus, April 23rd 2007

Little JULES Necklace

admin — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 16:06:00 +0000

By Little JULES

Upon discovering the absence of a company creating jewelry for babies that actually fits their tiny limbs, mother and designer Tania Condon began making bling for babies, starting with her own son, Julian, whom she has since named her company after. Compliments abound and Condon realized she could take her talents to a new, entrepreneurial level, and that's just what she did. Little JULES came to fruition bringing durable and stylish accessories for little ones and has since expanded to include not just moms and dads, but also the family pet… both small and large dogs!

The Little JULES Necklace has three main styles that you can mix and match: engraved (with name and/or birth date of baby), feet stamped and hand stamped. It is made of sterling silver with a disc pendent (approximately 5/8” in diameter) on a 16”, 18” or 20” sparkly ball chain. I wore mine and immediately began getting compliments. One woman even stopped me on the subway to inquire about the necklace and its tiny baby feet. When I explained that I don't actually have a child, she thought the tootsies might be mine, but I explained that they belong to Julian, circa infant stage.

So if you’re looking for a personalized gift for a friend… or a friend’s child… or a friend’s dog, Little JULES will hook you up with a stylish and unique gift.

Written by: Mandy Van Deven, March 18th 2007