Silicone Night Time Buddy

Virgins beware. This dick does not come with training wheels.

For weeks I looked forward to my pale pink Night Time Buddy. The picture I saw online made it look so cute... and effective. Upon opening the box, however, cute was not what came to mind. Six inches always sounded so good, yet when I feverishly cut away the packaging tape what came to mind was “huge” and, admittedly, “terrifying.”

Generals: Two AA batteries (not included) and about half an hour later I had faith that the Night Time Buddy had earned its (largish) place among the other battery-operated gadgets in my nightstand drawer. At first, the veins and balls gave my gizmo the uncanny valley effect, but I soon realized that once between your legs, it really doesn’t matter what it looks like. My new pal, er, buddy, has four fun vibrating settings with different rhythms, and will never go soft on you when you’re in the mood. I do wish that the vibrations were a little more intense, but the highest setting got me there with a little effort.

Details: The suction cup worked great on the kitchen counter, but in the bedroom I was hard-pressed to find something it would grip. It does not stick to the wall, and I didn’t even try putting my particleboard Ikea furniture at the peril of my bucking hips. In order to take full advantage of that feature, you’re going to need to be resourceful. Fake balls, like real balls, don’t do that much for me, so the two flat pink feet at the bottom of my new penis (which also comes in blue or purple) sort of seemed to get in the way.

Finally, size does matter. Maybe I need a little more time with the Buddy, but for an external masturbator (me, not the dildo), this guy is enormous. The head seems to have extra girth, and after a few uses I got something I once read about in a magazine called “hairline tears in the vaginal entrance.” Lubrication was not the issue. Perhaps it’s because silicone, though quite pliable, does not have the same give as flesh. Or maybe it’s because this dick is huge. But whether it’s too big or I’m too small, I’m okay with either.

All these painfully realistic details aside, the thing does work. With fresh batteries and a sense of adventure the Night Time Buddy can go a long way. Between internal and external stimulation, suction to a (limited) number of surfaces, and plenty of penis to go around—there is a little something for everyone. If you know what 6x2 is like, and you can handle it, I say go for it.

•